Just wanted to throw this out there since it’s come up in my girl-for-pay kinklive shows several times this week.

I identify as FTM Femme/Genderqueer, but I don’t talk about it much in the public part of my cam shows for two reasons.

1) Because people get confused (and often violently defensive) when I do and I’m trying to make a living.

2) Because, honestly, I just want to play! 

Girl for pay work is one of the few places where I can REALLY play hard without having to think about all my trans* baggage.  It’s a fantasy world that’s different enough from the rest of my life that I can put all my own crap on hold and just have fun.

One day I’d like to be comfortable, confident, and accepted enough to do the same work as my pretty boy self… but even if the rest of the world catches up, I’d be kidding myself if I didn’t acknowledge that I’m not ready to go there yet.

I’m getting there.  All these natural no-make up photos I’ve been doing are a testament to that, but I’m not there yet.

I’m still working on building that confidence within myself, and I really like the (albeit brief) break from that internal work that camming as a girl gives me.

I LOVE talking about my trans* stuff, even with my sexy cam buddies… but it’s problematic at best for me to do so in the public chat.  I will totally, totally, TOTALLY talk about it with ‘yall about it though… you just have to take me private or send it to me in a private message.

Seriously.  

Send me all the gender questions, even if you think they’re dumb questions.  

This is a place where I am vulnerable… but I also believe that it’s the vulnerable parts of us that make us strong and beautiful.

that, and it’s also very real.  

want to get to know the real me?  I’m right here.

I really do love talking about gender stuff… just not when I’m also trying to get laid.

(image source: boyswillbeboys via marcicaditas-varias)